You need a customer service bracelet: WWTD? What would Terri do?

http://www.witn.com/watercooler/headlines/37043499.html

The Bloggess

a little intro/disclaimer before you enter this site. I’m a little at loss at how to describe the insanity that reigns in this woman’s domain. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hilarious and highly entertaining. But to describe it? It’s what happens when you should have shut your mouth like 20 minutes ago. It’s what happens when you and your friends are stuck in an igloo for days on end and run out of the normal topics to talk about. In short, it’s AWESOME.

it’s late, i’m watching a movie i’ve seen before and browsing the web at the same time to keep myself entertained. There are some weird people in the world. If you are ever bored read the “rants and raves” section of craigslist, it’s crazy. But here’s a few highlights.

This one is under “items wanted” for south america.

titled…
“Looking for that white girl”

entry…
“you know of her let me know.she is pure and beautiful”

i suppose that can be considered “items wanted” although i doubt anyone is going to be able to help this person find “that white girl”.

one more….
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/rnr/940046569.html

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/rnr/939970584.html

Despite being swamped with work as of late, I’m a little short on cash (too much work makes for not enough time to invoice and harass people for money, not a good combination). So when I got a call during the tail-end of my work day as an office drone to moonlight as a server at a bar/coffeeshop I frequent, i took on the opportunity. Slinging drinks was once a big part of my life and while I have no desire to be there again, it’s sometimes fun to feel the mindless rush of waiting tables.

Well, this night was sure to be eventful seeing as I had already worked a full day and wouldn’t get out until 5am. Almost 24 hours straight of working. The crazies always come out at night and this night was no exception. (see this post for examples of the late night crazies.) The night started out super slow and came to a dead halt around 12am with not a soul in the coffee shop. There is a pub crawl that comes through every Tuesday so we were all gearing up for the indunation of drunk tourists. One gentleman had been there with a very well endowed lady (tits popping out EVERYWHERE would be a better description but it’s NYC, the standards are different). He ran up a moderate tab, paid cash leaving up 10% which of course annoyed us, but whatever. Comes back 10 minutes later and asks for his change. Bastard. So no tip, not a CENT. He left but hung out in the neighborhood to hit up the local drug dealers and further his substance abuse. When he wanders back, totally drunk and stoned and whatever else, he begins to hit on me.

Because yes, cheap ass drunks are totally my type.

I ignore his advances mostly, redirecting the conversation when I sense he’s going to ask me for personal information. Of course, he doesn’t sense my distaste of CAD (cheap ass drunks, reference above) and keeps trying. Eventually he corners me and asks, “So what does a guy have to do to get a date with you?” At this point, I’m annoyed and decide to give him the truth.

“I’ll go out with you if you can answer one question for me,” I respond. “Why don’t you tip your servers and bartenders?”

The CAD just laughs, tells me he had a rough day, as if that was reason enough to ruin mine and take money from my pocket. Even this does not dissuade him from trying to kiss me goodnight and giving me his phone number at the end of the night.

Soon after, the drunk Europeans from the pub crawl rush in like a hurricane. Something about drinking and vacation has always been a bad combination. The whole back section of the restaurant (which by the way is very tiny and not at all private) was filled with tourists making out. Eventually they cleared out and I assumed they left. Find out 20 minutes later, no they haven’t left. They’ve all relocated to the bathrooms. (which are also super mini.)

Also had a 10 minute conversation with an Ecuadorian, totally in Spanish. I always enjoy the opportunity to practice my Spanish and you think I would learn to be more careful, that speaking someone’s native tongue to them is really really hot. (I never learn.) Guess I made a friend because he wouldn’t leave, kept asking me where I lived and when i finished. Lucky the manager kicked him out and I was able to get a friend to walk me home.

What else….oh yah! Some Moroccans walked out on a huge tab after arguing about how “the owner told me he’d be sending out some dishes for us!” a few more zero tippers (they should all be casterized). a few more unwanted advances. Blah blah, all in a day’s work.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Friday, September 19th

Okay, I have two beefs (beefs?) with the Chinese people. Well, there are more which can be referenced here but for the moment, since this is my lunch break and I’ve got to go back to work soon, I’ve got two.

One. what is the deal with chopsticks? As far as I’m concerned, they are the most useless invention and should have gone the way of the amtrack with the invention of the fork. A fork is so much handier and versatile!

Two. Why do they put all those useless vegetables in your food, don’t they know everyone picks them out anyway? We ordered Chinese food at the office today and I had three pieces of shrimp, basically a whole onion chopped up, and an unidentifiable legum from the gourd family on a bed of rice. Even if I wanted to eat the onion, I could never eat that much! So after eating the 3 shrimp, I’m done and 75% of my lunch is still left. Wasteful!

So I’m sitting in a coffee shop working, the place was full for a while but is now in a bit of a lull having mostly emptied out. I’ve got my headphones on and I’m all the way in the back section alone. You think this would signal that I might want to be left alone but the late night crazies never seem to get this message.

A big Latin women comes up to me and decides to sit right next to me on the chair where I was resting my feet. I of course, try to move them. If she wants to sit there, who am I stop her. It’s not my coffee shop. But she grabs my leg and tells me to put my feet back up. Then she starts rubbing my toes.

Not kidding.

That should have been the first signal but I couldn’t really get out of the situation without looking like a total asshole. She starts telling me that in her broken english that I’m so beautiful and that she was starring at me the whole night. I’m not quite sure what to make of these obvious advances. She gives me her email. Gives me her bracelet. Again not quite sure what to say, I thank her. The conversation continues and I make a point to mention that I indeed like boys and only boys but even this does not dissuade her. She tries to make conversation for a while and when that lapses, just stares at me.

After a few minutes she starts talking in Spanish which unfortunately I understand. She begins to tell me about her apartment and how I should come back with her. Trying to shrug off her advances, I tell her I need to work. She replies that I can still work, she just wants to watch me work.

Watch me work. Like that’s not creepy or anything.

After a few more minutes she she reaches out to touch my feet again which I had moved to what I thought was a safe distance away. I pull my feet back, she finally gets the message and leaves. Not seeing her, I decide to take this opportunity to leave while I can. She sees me packing up and comes back trying to stop me from leaving, telling me that she’s in love with me. I’m so beautiful, blah blah and starts following me out. I start getting a little worried at this point that’s she’s going to follow me home. So i go back in. She comes back, staying a foot or two behind me, obviously going to go whereever i go. I had to grab a strapping fellow to accompany me back to my apartment. While I’ve been hit on before, I’ve never had to do that!

So weird.

Overheard in NY

Good looking suit to lunch date:
How about this–let’s say that you and I are equally attractive. Now let’s say that on any given day we each see 1,000 people of the opposite sex (a lot more, obviously, but that’s a good number). You, as a woman, could sleep with approximately 850 of them–that 1,000 is discounted by the 100 who are gay (10%, as they say), and the 50 who are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Now for me–I see 1,000 women, but 850 is way too high a number for me–maybe, if I’m lucky, I could find a few skanks in the group willing to bang a guy they don’t know. Aside from that, I’m looking at 2-3 dates, dinners, phone calls, all that shit. That’s why it’s easier for girls.
Date:
Wow.
Good looking suit:
It’s simple math.
Date:
You would only allow 50 faithfuls? Sheesh.
Good looking suit:
Men are scum.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: wedding rings are for sissies