Special as in bluetooth headset with streaming Pandora….

Two thieves snatched a woman’s purse only to be taken out by a hurled bicycle.

Taxes! Don’t tell the government but I am a little late in filing my taxes. But now that I am back in this country it is my goal to get it done. Becky is helping me by duct-taping me to a chair until I finish and then interuppting me every 10 minutes to ask if I am done yet and available to entertain her and baby.

Need I mention those parachute-like ears? If you had any question about why we called her monkey, it should be gone now.

I was woken up this morning by the sound of my car pulling out the driveway. This isn’t a strange occurrence as the word “mine” in my family is merely a suggestion. If you feel like following it, you do. If not, well then, hop in and drive away! I assumed that my father had taken it.

We had planned to get up early and go out to Pennsylvania (holler Unc’ A! woot, woot!) so I went upstairs to wake up my mother and confirm that my father had indeed taken my car and not say….someone from craigslist (see below). Mom was still asleep and when she came downstairs, she swore that my father was still asleep upstairs.

What?

I started checking the rest of the cars in the house; all were accounted for. Then I started checking potential drivers in the house; all were also accounted for. Hmmm… I should make a note here that if you had to rank the cars in my house, you would rank my car as the LEAST likely to be stolen. While Molly has character, style and charm, she is not the prettiest pencil in the pencil box. She’s got some flaws that even thieves in a hurry can’t miss, things that might make them bring the car back and try and pick out another.

SIDEBAR: You may be wondering why my car had the keys in it. It’s a papa-go thing. I suspect it’s like matchbox cars for adults but my father likes to be able to shuffle the cars around the driveway whenever he feels like it. All children of TG, residents of his home and visitors have been trained to leave sensibility at the end of the driveway and leave the keys where they belong- in the ignition.

Well now that all drivers were accounted for, I decided to wake my father and ask him what to do. Except for one problem.

He wasn’t home.

Back in the U.S. of A. Feels strangely like De javu, being here. Working on adjusting my body to the MIND-NUMBING COLD, retraining my mind to speak English and full speed ahead into wedding planning.

And. AND! getting to know this toothbrush-wielding little monkey again who has transitioned from baby which is basically like a purse that you carry around to a pint-size walking-talking identity with a mind of her own. I swear she said my name yesterday. That’s right, she said MY NAME. And she spent the last three months stocking up on new tricks to show me. Aside from the thousands of dresses I have been forced to look at, that’s pretty much all I’ve done.

Oh that and download torrents, torrents and more torrents to enjoy the gloriously fast internet we have in this beautiful country.

Thank you so much for putting those ads on Craigslist with our address and phone number. And so gracious of you to offer all that free stuff! The people who showed up last night at 2am were ever so delighted to realize that we were in fact NOT giving away free cars, almost as delighted we were to tell them so and the 742 people who came before them.

My father was also so delighted to remove the numbers off our mailbox in an attempt to deter the flocks of people foolish enough to believe that people give away free flat screen TV’s. Or to take the phone off the hook and lock up all the doors in our house. I believe it is the first time in my life that I looked out my kitchen window and there wasn’t a car in the yard. Not a single one!

I wish you all the best in your further attempts at annoyance. You can rest assured if that was your purpose, you were successful.

Sincerely,
the Residents

Funny Christmas Prank

Moved to yet another hostel for my final week here. This hostel is located on the far end of town and is right on the ocean. It also does not have a rooster and oversized goose in the yard. Like the previous, I have wifi in my room again. I also have access to a gorgeous sitting area right in front of the ocean.

Yesterday I had a meeting with a potential client that was interrupted by the client’s dog attacking nearby livestock. The dog literally bit the chicken’s head. How am I supposed to remain professional with these sorts of distractions?